Recently I've been getting a lot of emails and contact form submissions about my experience with LEAP MRT. Many of you are curious about whether or not I feel it's "worth it" or want to know where I am with it now. If you've read my story or have followed my journey from the start, you know that there have been plenty of ups and downs throughout my experience. Do I feel like going through with MRT was worth it? It's such a loaded question. For starters, I wouldn't be the informed, conscious consumer that I am today, had I not embarked on my journey with LEAP. The Sensitive Life would not exist without it. That aside, I had a good few months feeling well with the program. After getting through my initial detox and awful withdrawals, I began to feel like a million bucks even though my diet was extremely limited. Eventually, my body found ways to tell me that something wasn't right. I wasn't nourishing my body with the variety of foods that it needed to feel well. At first I speculated that my trip to Italy threw my body out of whack. Now, I don't believe this is the case. I retested and my sensitivities changed- I had more of them and I grew sensitive to the few foods that I could eat prior to my second round of testing, which only makes perfect sense. Sensitivities will change, that's a given- especially when there are few foods rotating in your diet. 

LEAP MRT works differently for everyone. It doesn't work well for some, while it may work well for others. With this said, I don't see it as a sustainable way to manage health concerns long-term. It didn't work for me in the long run for a few different reasons. I got to a point where I couldn't open the refrigerator door without getting emotional, and I even cried at times. It was a struggle to eat despite all the help I got from my unbelievable saint of a mother. Every time I would go to eat something I was asking myself, "How is this going to affect me?" "Will I be sick?" I kept hearing the obsessive words in my head, "Don't eat that, it's a yellow food." It was a disaster. 

I have a history of trauma associated disordered eating and I'm not ashamed to admit that to my followers. Since I was young, I have used food as a means of control in my life. Food has always represented power. I have been underweight, overweight, and everywhere in between. My weight has fluctuated throughout my life and as such, I have lost close to a total of 95 lbs.- 30 here, 30 there, etc. With LEAP, I wasn't in control- the food was. It was controlling my life. It was controlling my ability to have a social life, it was controlling my mood, just... my absolutely everything. Nothing was easy. Everything was an emotional struggle. Food journaling was difficult for me too. I was writing down everything that went down the hatch throughout the day, as well as my weight. All of these things combined- the self-talk, the journaling, the restrictions, the number of times I found myself staring down at a number on the scale throughout the day- it all adds up for someone like me. 

Eventually I reached my breaking point and had to say, "enough is enough, Meaghan!" I had somewhat of an epiphany. I realized why I was so emotional. For the first time out loud, I was able to admit to myself that my internal struggle and relationship with food as a young kid and teenager was not "normal," it was was an issue, and my new obsession with my sensitivities was churning up a lot of old, painful junk. I have since put LEAP on the shelf. It just doesn't "work" for people like me. And how could it? My obsessions were making me symptomatic. I was causing turmoil in my body because I wasn't listening to it or my "gut instinct," which was to seek an alternative route. 

Since my breakup with LEAP, I have really been working on making a better effort to be kind to myself- with my thoughts and by nourishing my body with a variety of healthy foods. Sure, I've made a few exceptions here and there by treating myself to something extra yummy and not-so-LEAP-friendly. I still have a pulse, and most of the time I'm fine when I make those occasional exceptions. I'm still working on that obsessive voice, but I'm doing it with the understanding that it will take time to get rid of her. I'm working on finding a healthy balance when it comes to my relationship with food. I don't want it to control me and I don't want to use it as a means for control. It's no way to live. Sadly, I think more young women fight that battle than we realize. 

So, to sum it all up, is LEAP worth it? Maybe it is for you. I'm thankful for it for a number of reasons. I give it the bitch hand for other reasons, as outlined above. My best piece of advice- trust your gut. It's always right. Your body is resilient and will always find ways to tell you, "something isn't right here." Of course, I realize that in order to consider LEAP and food sensitivity testing, your body is probably telling you something right now anyway. Regardless of how you decide you want to start feeling better or how you want to heal your body, stay in tune with how your body responds to your lifestyle changes. With that said, it's worth noting that anytime you eliminate a food or group(s) of food(s) from your diet, it's more than likely that your body is going to be symptomatic in some way for some time. Symptoms could be anything from ridiculous cravings, migraines, digestive upset, difficulty falling asleep, breakouts, fatigue, low blood sugar...the list continues, I assure you. Always keep in mind that starving yourself, going to bed hungry, and depriving your body of the essential nutrients it needs to function is not ever going to be the answer to your health issues. That may sound so obvious, but I feel it's important to remind you. 

Until next time, peace, love, & light.

Happy Earth Day, everyone! It's been 2 whole months since I've had some solid time to be able to sit down and be all sensitive with you guys. That's probably the longest yet! I've been very focused on my work at school and finding a way to manifest a sense of balance in my life. Since the last time I posted, I've started incorporating meditation as a regular practice in my daily routine. It has helped me tremendously in all areas of my life. I find that I'm able to manage my stress more effectively, fall asleep without such a struggle, communicate my thoughts clearly, and feel an overall sense of peace in my everyday life. At first, the idea of meditation sounded intimidating to me. I've always been one to say I have a "busy brain" and I have such a difficult time quieting my thoughts. This was my reason for avoiding meditation like the plague. The idea of trying to quiet my loud mind seemed like the most daunting chore. I think society is partly responsible for imposing this sense of intimidation on many people who have yet to give meditation a try. You don't need a souped up environment decorated with gongs, chimes, incense, crystals, and aromatherapy candles to be successful with meditation. All you need is yourself, your breath, and a desire to bring clarity to your life. 

Don't get me wrong, I've used crystals, I've diffused my essential oils, I've listened to gongs and crystal bowls and the like while doing my meditation. Your practice has to be what works for you. I don't always use these tools, either. Since I've become more confident in my practice, I find that I am able to meditate wherever, whenever, using my breath and a mantra of choice.

I recently did a walking meditation with a group of people who meet once a week locally. It defied everything I thought I "knew" about meditation. The truth is, I didn't know much- I could maybe count the number of times I had attempted meditating on one hand. It hadn't dawned on me that you could meditate with your eyes open and your body in motion. It was a great practice. The focus was on being present with your steps- feeling the different pressures of the floor on your feet and being mindful of your body in relationship to other things and people in that space. With one step I'd breathe in and say the first syllable of balance in my head. With the next step, I would breathe out and say the second syllable of balance in my head. This is a word I tend to use often during my practice, since it's what I want more of in my life- a balance between work and play, taking care of myself, living more presently and positively...the list goes on. 

It was refreshing to hear that many of the people who had been practicing meditation for years still have random thoughts that float into their minds during their practice. I learned that it's about letting those thoughts come in, observing them without judgement, and returning your focus back to your breathing or intention for the meditation. I left meditation that night feeling tremendously uplifted and ready to take on the world. 

There are several different benefits that meditation has to offer to those who practice it. Research now shows that meditation can alter our bodies on a genetic level- and how amazing is that?? 

Among some of the benefits we have:
Increased immunity
Emotional balance
Increased fertility
Lowers blood pressure
Reduces inflammation
Relieves IBS
Promotes calmness
Reduces stress
(Stephens)

Please check out the links I've provided below for additional information on ways that you can benefit from incorporating meditation into your daily practice!
Food Matters- 7 Health Benefits of Meditation 
Natural News- Your Mind on Meditation 
Natural News- Meditation Cuts Death Risk in Half for People with Heart Problems
Natural News- Meditation Benefits for Those with Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia 
Natural News- Meditation Changes the Way Your Brain Processes Emotions 

I hope everyone enjoyed their Valentine's Day! Whether you shared it with friends, family, your dog, 14 cats, or a certain special someone, I hope you indulged a bit in something yummy. God knows I did and then some. See exhibit A for more information. Oops. Jon and I enjoyed our first Valentine's Day together up in York, Maine. It's positively gorgeous up there....and delicious. We went to a charming restaurant called Frankie and Johnny's. For an appetizer we shared a portobello mushroom dish with artichoke hearts, tomatoes, and mozzarella drizzled in balsamic. I had a house salad that was loaded with grilled veggies, fruit, and nuts and the dressing was an unbelievable blueberry vinaigrette- totally not your average house salad. For my entree I had chicken marsala with onions, mushrooms, peppers, and fettuccine. The pasta wasn't gluten free and I'm not ashamed to admit that by any means. The pasta was so fresh- it just tasted unlike any pasta you'd get at any other restaurant. The fresh quality and melt-in-your-mouth texture was reminiscent of some pastas I inhaled while in Italy. It was quite a treat. 

One tremendously important detail I forgot to mention- this place makes absolutely everything homemade using fresh, natural ingredients. I knew my man had done well when I saw the words, "if you are sensitive to any of the ingredients...." on the front of my menu. Sensitive bitch at table 14, present! In any other restaurant, they want you to make your waiter aware of any "allergies" people in your party may have. See the difference here, is that the owners of this restaurant understand that sensitivities are legitimate, serious, and not to be fucked with in the slightest. It made me feel considered. I can't tell you how many restaurants are just flat out inconsiderate or seem "bothered" when I order my food. Sorry I'm not sorry that I can only have 2 of the 45 ingredients that my meal calls for- make it how I want it, PLEASE-UH. The fact of the matter is, any restaurant owner should educate his staff about these issues. I can't imagine that a restaurant owner would want to feel the blowback if a paying customer should fall ill. Okay, off my soapbox for now.

And to our right, we have exhibit B- the sunrise I woke up to this morning. It was positively stunning and the perfect way to start my day. I'm certainly not an early riser, but when I saw that the backyard was a bay for as far as my eyes could see, I knew I had to be up to see the sun peek up over the horizon...no matter what time it was. I'm so glad that I did!

It was a very special weekend shared with someone who makes me feel special and loved every single day. I am quite the lucky, sensitive bitch.

In other news, our 100 miles by VDay challenge was a huge success. I finished with 102 miles as of Thursday, which feels great! Our group of 12 ladies who participated in the Facebook group completed 968.72 miles in 45 days. I say we're rockstars. A group of people from work, myself and Kristina included, are going to continue with the challenge for another week since we're on February vacation this week. I'm excited to see how many miles my coworkers will complete collectively. 
Kristina created a new group on Facebook this evening for all the ladies who participated in the challenge in our last group. The group is called "Love Your Body," something I think every woman should do more often! We're going to continue posting miles for the workouts we complete, share workout routines we enjoy, create other fun challenges, and most importantly: inspire and motivate one another. [This is the part where I hop back up onto my soapbox.] It's such a beautiful thing, really. Too often women are so busy putting each other down because society makes everything one big superficial competition. I am humbled to be a part of something bigger that says, "lifting each other up is more powerful than knocking each other down." I'm so blessed to keep such wonderful company. My friends are just as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside!

And with that said, here I go again with another self-love rap because it seems appropriate in light of the lovers' holiday and all this talk about lerrrrrve. 

You must always turn to yourself first- for love, appreciation, a sense of worth, and fulfillment. Looking for it elsewhere will prove disappointing every time until you've given your soul all of those things that seem to be "lacking" in your life. You will live your life experiencing many moments of happiness and sheer bliss when in the company of others, but remember to find peace within first. Find peace and sheer bliss in your own company. When you can be in solitude and enjoy the company of fabulous you, those things that were once lacking in your life won't seem so absent. Love means so much more when you've offered it to your deserving self before you've offered any or all of it to someone else. You are in charge of your own happiness, responsible for how you live your life 100% of the time, and no amount of attention, affection, or loving company will ever leave those lacking areas of your life feeling satiated...for long at least. Self-love is a work-in-progress always...from now until forever. It's not always easy, but it's not always hard either. It's always worth it. It's at the heart of all successes you will have in life- romantically and otherwise. 

Don't cheat yourself out of this valuable gift. If you have the time to hand your heart over to someone else, to look for these feelings of validation, appreciation, and love anywhere else but on the inside- you certainly have the time to open up to yourself and look for what's missing within your own sphere of undiscovered awesomeness. Because we're all fucking awesome. It just takes time and life experience to discover our own shine- often times when we're in the dark and in need of some light. When you find your shine- you will radiate the purest form of love: self-love. That stuff is fucking beautiful, so let your light shine! And if you ever find yourself in the company of anyone who makes that shine seem dull, they're not deserving of this light, this love that you have to give. The right company will see how precious your light is. And the right company will do anything to be a part of keeping your world bright. 

I appreciate all of you. You're all rockstars. 
Sending love and bright light your way! 
Meag

One of my lovely coworkers and dear friends shared the 100 Miles to VDay Challenge with all of the school staff last month. The challenge is a Tone It Up Challenge and it's exactly what it sounds like- individually, we all aim to achieve 100 miles worth of exercise! Well, I've got 15 miles to go before Friday. Today is a much needed rest day- I really busted my tooshy yesterday in a two hour workout. Needless to say, this sensitive bitch is sore as hell today, but feeling great. I'm fortunate to be the girlfriend of a loving personal trainer who writes awesome workouts for me. I do extensor and flexor workouts about 4 times a week. If I can fit in 5, it's a great week. The work I'm doing is strengthening my core, improving my posture, and building my legs and bum. I've always had this dream of having a voluptuous badonkadonk, and while I may never actually be able to sit a cup on my booty, I have to say, I'm seeing some serious progress! That's the best, isn't it? I love when I see my hard work pay off! 

We've been posting our miles in a Facebook group. A lot of the women in the group are ladies I've never met- friends of Kristina's. It's been great watching everyone's progress and seeing how our work as a group is really motivating for all of us in the challenge. The thought of saying goodbye to the group on Friday once the challenge is over doesn't excite any of us. We've all agreed to continue posting our miles in a fitness group where we share our exercise routines and motivate each other to keep up our hard work. I totally recommend a group like this for any of you who have difficulty getting and staying motivated. Get some friends in a group and make the commitment. It's a new year and it's certainly not too late to start a regular workout routine to keep your bodies feeling and looking strong and healthy.

As for me, I'm going to try and get to bed early the rest of this week so I can get in some yoga before work. I'm certainly not a morning person, but I figure it's worth a shot. Everyone I know who gets up early for a morning workout swears that they have more energy later in the day and their overall mood throughout the day is better. Tomorrow through Thursday I'm kicking it into beast mode, (sensitively, of course) and I will do my flexor and extensor workouts in the afternoon. These 15 miles are no match for this sensitive vessel. Imma get it.

Enjoy the week, everyone!

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years. I thought I would take some time to post about the New Year and all the hype that comes with it- especially at the beginning of the year. Generally speaking, we put so much emphasis on making and sticking to New Year's resolutions. Initially I had some trouble trying to come up with one, myself, but after some thought, I've realized that the "resolutions" I plan to make are more like goals than anything else. I want to work on maintaining my health first and foremost, of course. I'll admit without shame that I've had quite the little naughty party for myself over the past couple of weeks with my eating habits. I am no longer a stranger to dessert and gluten products. It was "fun" while it lasted, but to be honest, I'm sick of feeling fatigued and going to bed at night with this feeling of, "blahh" in my body. Truly, that's how I've felt ever since I started eating sweets and gluten again. Starting today, I'm eliminating gluten and refined sugars from my diet once more. I felt so much better when these things were not a part of my everyday diet. I'm interested and half nervous to find out how my body will respond to this again- I've been aware of my cravings, which were non-existent until now. I'm sure the detox will be far less difficult this time around, but we shall see. That's a scary thought though, isn't it? --That different things in our diet can become so addicting that it takes an actual detoxification process to make our bodies clean. 

Part two of my game plan for 2014: fulfill phase one of my career goals. I have already passed two of my 3 MTELs (Massachusetts Test for Educator Licensure) and look forward to receiving my license to teach in the state of Massachusetts. I received my teaching degree in New Hampshire, so right now the only license I have is in the state of NH. Another part of this vision is landing a teaching job that gives me my own classroom. 

If there's one thing that 2013 taught me, it's that life does not take your plans into consideration. Life just happens. While we have some control over how some things turn out in life, I believe there are more things we have little to absolutely no control over in the grand scheme of things. My vision for the New Year ahead is simply that- a vision. It may change once, twice, or ten times depending on where my life takes me. I never would have thought that in the past year I would have earned my teaching license in New Hampshire, accomplished all that I have with my health, built The Sensitive Life empire, landed my first job in the 8th best public school system in the state of Massachusetts, made amazing new teacher friends, made my dream of traveling to Italy become a reality (all on my own and traveled solo), passed two of my MTELS, met my wonderfully amazing boyfriend, Jonathan, and a bunch of awesome little things in between.

So, we make our resolutions with this sense of determination and will. We swear to ourselves that we'll make it to the gym 5 days out of 7, we'll stop eating meat, we'll land the job of our dreams on the first try, and we'll learn how to say, "no" to people in an effort to be less of a doormat. Sadly, so many of us will beat ourselves up when our visions don't go quite according to plan. So I propose this as a part of everyone's New Year's resolutions/goals: learn to love what is. Be mindful. Be present. Be kind and have compassion for yourself. When you temporarily fall off the wagon, know that it was for a reason- there was something meant to be found or learned. Welcome each day with a hopeful, grateful heart- for each day brings with it endless opportunities and possibilities. Don't count the days, make each day count. In working on this short list of must-do's, you'll manifest a much happier, healthier 2014. Love yourselves first, the rest will fall into place.

Happy New Year, all! :)

First off, I'd like to wish all of you lovely people a very merry Christmas. To keep a long update short, after my meeting with the doctor at Brigham and Women's, I have decided to abandon MRT altogether. Slowly but surely I've been reintroducing foods back into my diet- foods that I haven't had since I don't even know when. It's been great. I knew that restricting myself as much as I had was beginning to drive me batshit mental, but until now, I guess I hadn't really understood the extent to which it was turning everything upside down. There is such a sense of relief that comes with opening the refrigerator door or the kitchen cabinets and being able to say, "I can eat any of this." My wonderful boyfriend went with me the day of my appointment. After the appointment we went out to Papa Razzi on Newbury Street in Boston. We toasted to "no limitations." My newfound sense of freedom gave me just the right amount of fuck-it attitude so that I was able to enjoy some wine, delicious, real focaccia bread, a caesar salad WITH croutons, gluten free pasta (I couldn't go ALLLLLL out) in a tomato cream sauce with sausage, caramelized onions, and mushrooms, and to finish- some vanilla bean and cappuccino gelato..........with a macaroon that sent me right to Heaven, quite literally. And guess what, I'm alive to tell the tale. In fact, I was alive to tell the tale the day after, and the day after that, and the day after that.

I have decided however, that post-holidays, I will continue on my gluten free path and avoid refined sugars, as I still believe so strongly that none of that shit is any good for anyone. But as we know, it's not quite post-holidays just yet. Last night, Christmas Eve, was another joyous evening in which I indulged just a bit. I had a real meatball sandwich- on a real Italian roll. I also had some gluten free eggplant parmesan that my mother made and it was obviously to die for. I had one ravioli, and some gluten free chicken piccata. I had some homemade gluten free biscotti, which was also unbelievable. This morning I may have indulged just a lot, but I'm fine and I'm grinning from ear to ear. My family members agree- one of the best Christmas gifts this year is the gift of watching Meaghan eat...as sad as that sounds. So much of my feeling unwell had a lot to do with the stress and anxiety that came with my restrictive diet. I'm still working on getting the restrictive "self-talk" out of my head and doing away with the worries I get before I eat. I know that the energy healing sessions will be a huge help where these pieces of my sensitive puzzle are concerned. I'm really looking forward to starting that after the New Year.  

As you can see, I got feetie pajamas last night- so all in all, everything in the past week has been a tremendous success. I hope that all of my followers, sensitive or not, are finding peace and happiness in the company of their loved ones today. In my Italian home, food is what brings us all together- it is a symbol of love. Nourish yourselves with love today- however that may be. Merry Christmas, all! :)

I can and cannot believe it's almost been a month since my last blog post. I've been quite the busy bee, as most of us are around this time of year. So much has happened in the past month. In reading my last post, I realize that what I have to share here today may have some of my readers inferring that my plan for the next steps in my health journey has changed almost entirely. In so many ways this is true. I have come to a fork in the road. A fork that is stacked to the clouds with the most tantalizing Christmas cookies. In going one way, I would follow the protocol as I had mentioned in my previous post- an option that doesn't feel right with that all-knowing soul self we all have. The other path I have chosen to take will allow me to explore some other options. I have come to a point in my journey where I am feeling that the MRT testing and protocol no longer work for me. The idea of continuing to eliminate foods and restrict myself again is causing me stress and anxiety, which is no recipe for healing. MRT worked for me during the first few months of this journey and for this, I am thankful. I believe this is because I really did have to eliminate certain foods in order to start the healing process. The fact of the matter is, I would not be able to get my nutrition through my diet if I decided to follow through with the protocol for these latest test results. Supplements have been helpful throughout this process, but I can't rely so heavily on different supplements to give me everything that I need and would be lacking in my diet. 

Shortly after my last post, I began following the restrictive elimination diet for phase one of the protocol. Some nights I would go to bed hungry. One night, I opened the fridge and just began to cry. A fridge full of food and there wasn't a single thing in there that this sensitive bitch could eat. I was really emotional during these first few days. I spent a lot of time thinking about the less-obvious reasons for my emotional state. I began to feel like my body was going into survival mode- my primal instincts were kicking in and everyday was an internal fight of, "what can I eat? How will I get through my day?" It came to my attention that for the longest time, all I've been thinking about throughout the course of a single day is FOOD. I have become so OCD about everything I eat- how is this food going to make me feel? Will this food make me break out? Should I eat this or not eat anything at all? What am I going to make for lunch tomorrow? Will it be enough? While being cognizant of one's sensitivities could prove beneficial, I have come to the conclusion that I am over-aware or hyper-sensitive to my sensitivities and just all food in general. As such, it's likely that I'm causing my own symptoms. I don't have time for that shit though. I fear that eating a small list of foods on a restrictive diet will make me sensitive to that small list of foods due to lack of variety. I fear that eating foods I know I'm reactive to will make me symptomatic. With the mind-body connection being as strong and powerful as it is, there is no way in hell that I could possibly feel well with all these thoughts going through my noggin. 

Looking back at my relationship with food over the past several years of my life, I have come to the realization that food has always symbolized control and power for me. My weight has fluctuated from my childhood until now, and this is something that was always in my control. I no longer have control over the food I choose to put in my body- I'm told which foods I can and cannot eat. While using food as a means for "control" or "power" is in no way healthy, I have to argue that the same is true when food has control or power over YOU. I feel like this realization helped me to understand why I would get so angry or emotional when I was told what I could and could not eat. I am at a point in my life where I just want to eat to be well. To do this, I have to work on my relationship (for lack of a better word) with food and resolve any issues surrounding food from my past. I am currently exploring some other options and finding other ways to manage my health and find balance as I move forward with this journey. This Thursday I will be meeting with an internal medicine doctor at Brigham and Women's in Boston. He focuses on integrative, preventative medicine and practices holistically. I'm really excited to meet with him and find out how he can help me. I will also be going for energy therapy sessions more regularly after the New Year. I know that this will be a tremendous help, as it has been in the past. 

We do the best with what we have. A few weeks ago, I had new test results, a grumpy grin, and an intuitive sense that there must be something more out there for me on this journey. I have always preached that when something doesn't feel right with your soul, you need to change that something. I am already feeling better about what lies ahead. I can't predict what's to come, but I am certain that I will feel more free from extreme restriction. Happiness = health ...You simply cannot have one without the other. 

After receiving my second round of LEAP MRT results this afternoon, I have never been more eager to reach out to my wonderful sensitive community of followers and friends. It appears I've hit the nail right on the head with my prediction that I have grown sensitive to some of the foods that are sustaining staples in my current diet. So much so, that I am in a bit of a sensitive dither at the moment. This journey to find better health has been a challenge in more ways than one. Looking back over the past year of my life, I can't help but get emotional thinking about how I got to where I am today. The dedication and strength I've shown through some of my toughest days on this journey are the foundation of this new relationship I have with myself- built on self-love, self-acceptance, and indomitable will to never give up on myself. During these next few months, I will have to rely on that strong core-self that we all have to get me through part 2 of my journey. 

Upon opening my test results, I was outraged to find that one week before Thanksgiving, I had tested highly reactive to turkey. Guess who will still be eating turkey on turkey day? This sensitive bitch right here. Understand though- I have to ease into phase one of my elimination diet. The easing process might have to consist of me eating myself into a turkey coma and napping until phase one is over. Turkey day aside, I am now highly reactive to rice, which is a huge staple in my diet as I cannot eat gluten/wheat and find that I'm reactive to corn. I eat rice every single day- rice cakes, rice pasta, brown rice, white rice, rice crackers, rice everything. No sooner did I see rice on my list of highly reactive foods did my mother take a batch of freshly homemade rice crackers out of the oven. I viciously started shoving them down my throat hole. It was so naughty of me, but you're a liar if you tell me that you've never eaten your feelings. I knew I had to say goodbye to rice but it was going to be on my own terms. Judge me, I dare you. With rice, corn, and potatoes out, my options for starches are buckwheat, amaranth, and quinoa. Garlic and tomato are actually my highest sensitivities now- an Italian's worst nightmare you might say. Tomato was a red food in the first round of testing too, but I secretly had my fingers crossed that it would change. 

As we scroll down the list of food sensitivities we find that chicken, sunflower seeds, sweet potatoes, yogurt, and olive (my beloved olive oil is out) are sporting a yellow shade of, fuck-this-can't-be-happening. All of these foods, especially chicken, sunflower butter, and olive oil, have been staples in my diet. Sources of protein have been extremely valuable to me over the past several months, because I feel strongly that protein is what gets me through the day. With chicken and turkey out, my options for protein include beef, pinto beans, lentils, egg, garbanzo beans, almonds, and peanuts. While that sounds like a handful of options, consider that beef and egg are the only two options that sound remotely filling in my personal opinion. Oh, and yes- I can have lentils, garbanzo beans, and peanuts now. Back in March, lentils and garbanzo beans were highly reactive and peanuts were moderately reactive. It's crazy how much some of my sensitivities have changed. 

Time for this sensitive bitch to shift gears. I tackled this once, I will tackle it again. The main concern that my nutritionist and I both share is that my daily caloric intake won't be sufficient. In 13 months I've lost 20 lbs. I feel that I am at a healthy weight right now, but it would not be healthy for me to lose more weight. Stabilizing my weight will be a challenge now that I'll be eliminating the foods that I believe were responsible for keeping my weight somewhat stable. This challenge calls for wild creativity- I have my work cut out for me. I will spend the next two weeks searching for recipes that will work with my new diet plan and keep me feeling satisfied. 

As you may have noticed, some of my red and yellow foods from march have disappeared from my reactive list in my second round of test results. Among one of those red items that has now changed to green- the mother of all items that I will surely try to avoid for the rest of my life: cane sugar. NOW- when I saw that cane sugar was one of my lower sensitivities when it was my highest just 8 months ago, I will admit that the naughty in me did a little dance. Mind you, this was all in the heat of my rice cracker indulgence, so my naughty dial was turned up to, ask-me-if-I-give-a-fuck and everything about my thought process was wildly out of line. After taking a step back and taking some time to process my results, I thought about it and I don't know why I would ever want to find myself on that addictive, truly no good path that sugar had me on for most of my life. I went through hell withdrawing from sugar when I eliminated it the first time. I figure that I've come this far and there's no sense in going back to something that isn't good for any of us in the first place. Hash tag WILLPOWER. 

As Deb and I were going through my results trying to figure out a plan, it came to my attention that we never truly stuck to the phase one protocol of the LEAP diet the first time around. BUT, this was because it would have simply been impossible with all my outrageous sensitivities. Phase one, which I will be implementing this time around, calls for a meal plan consisting of "green" or low-reactive foods that tested 1.0 or lower. There are a good handful of my low-reactive foods, which tested higher than 1.0, so those specific foods are out during phase one. Deb and I began building a list of 25-30 foods and flavor enhancers that I can use during phase one. Looking over the list, we decided I wouldn't leave her office today with a set meal plan quite yet. Instead, I'm going to take the next two weeks to process these results, do some research and recipe digging, and eat all the green foods listed on my test results, including those that tested higher than 1.0. The elimination process should go more smoothly if I ease into it. The low-reactive foods that are possible options for phase one include the following:

If you can count, you realize that this is more than 25-30 foods, hence why we didn't lay out a concrete plan this afternoon. If you know how to use your imagination, you also understand that I will be lacking in the variety department once again. I personally don't see much on this list that will keep me feeling full and will keep my weight stable. I have my work cut out for me in more ways than one it seems. My days of restaurant dining are more than likely put on the shelf for now- a reality that hadn't even crossed my mind until I typed that sentence. We make do with what we have. We do the very best we can. I'll continue to live my life the way I have over the past 8 months- with intense strength and positivity. As I've said before, we're all going to have our not so good days- days when we cross our arms, pout, and feel like swan diving into a sea of naughty food mouth first. For me, on my bad days, my heart aches for Italy and the way everything about that place made me feel more alive than I ever have in my entire life. If you can read in between the lines, you understand that what I'm saying is, I could really plow into a bowl of bucatini all'amatriciana or destroy an eggplant, roasted red pepper, and mozzarella panini. God yeah. But of course, we know I'll go back someday- for the food, culture, art, and new memories. 

In the meantime, it's back to the drawing board. Pinterest will be my best friend once more, as I try to find recipes that work with my restrictions. If anyone has resources to offer- recipes, websites, books, etc. that might help me in this next chapter of my journey, please feel free to share. I'll be keeping the sensitive life community posted now that I'm sure I'll have plenty to share.

And on that note, I'd just like to state that I'm so tremendously blessed to have the absolute best friends and family in the whole entire world, who continue to support me and remind me of my strength when I need it the most. I am one lucky, sensitive bitch.

*love, light, and great vibes*

As of my last post, a few things have changed in this sensitive life of mine. For one, my B12 levels are solid despite what I had anticipated, so that's good news. Secondly, I've decided to go ahead with retesting my food and food chemical sensitivities using LEAP MRT. I've said it before and I'll say it again- my test results from March are completely out of date. I need a new roadmap to work from and this seems like my best bet right now. It will be really interesting to see how much has changed from March until now. Some of my previous highly reactive foods could end up being some of my lowest reactive foods now. I'm kind of excited about this to be honest. There's a possibility that I'll be able to eat foods I haven't eaten in months- foods I thought I'd never be able to eat again (worst case scenario). I have the highest hopes for the best possible outcome with my test results. I'm looking forward to keeping the sensitive life community posted about what has changed and what I plan to do with the information moving forward.

In other news, Halloween was a fucking blast this year. In my opinion, as a sugar/candy addict on healing journey, nothing says a bitchin' time like putting me in charge of handing out the candy. I will admit, I was quite the Scrooge on Halloween- but only until I opened my door to find two of my loving students looking positively adorbz and wide-eyed with their candy bags held open. Kids are hilarious. They think that teachers live at school, don't have families, and can't function like normal human beings in society. I love it. One of my kiddos said, "Ms. Howe is that you?!?" Nope, no it's not. JK yes, it totally is. I love what I do. There's nothing better than being surrounded by hilarious little people all day who know how to pick you up without even trying. All in all, I suppose I was happy to be the candy passer-outer, even if I couldn't eat half the bowl before anyone arrived. Don't pretend like you haven't been guilty of this at least once in your life...

Totally switching gears. I know that from time to time I tend to get all preachy on you all about self-love and manifesting your reality, but I feel I'm overdue. So, here I go with my positivity rap: When you focus on the lack of something in your life, the universe responds with perpetuated lack of that something. Instead, visualize yourself enveloped by whatever it is you think you're "lacking," and you'll find that your thoughts were the only thing standing between you and your souls desires. Your reality is exactly what you make it- how you perceive your everyday experiences, the company you keep, and the larger world around you. By choosing to change your perspective and abandoning any expectations or thoughts that external factors should change, you begin to create a new reality filled with more peace, acceptance, and understanding. Let go of the shit you cannot change or take back. There's no sense in choosing to hold onto something that only lowers your vibrations when you can choose to surrender to anything that weighs you down. Love yourself enough to believe you deserve happiness. More importantly, love yourself enough to believe that you owe it to yourself to create your own happiness. After all, you are the only person who can give yourself the gift of genuine happiness. Don't attach your happiness or sense of peace to anyone or anything else. Let whatever you do today be enough. You are perfectly enough just as you are.

This post was here, there, and everywhere. Until next time- love and light. Be your own light :) 

A week ago I went to see my dermatologist for a regular skin check. I had to have a mole removed for a biopsy, as it appeared to be atypical. I got my results back today, which could have been better, but they also could have been a lot worse. I have to go back to have more of the lesion removed. The results showed moderate abnormality in the sample collected, which warrants them to remove more of the skin that surrounded the mole in case the skin cells in that area were affected. The wound is about the size of a dime right now, but will obviously be bigger once they go back into it. I was told that I would need stitches after the second procedure to help with the healing. Fingers crossed- I hope they only have to go back into it this one time.

Indoor tanning and outdoor tanning without protection was not only ignorant, but 100% not worth the consequences. I've been so much better about being cautious over the past few years, but once the damage is done- it's done. All I can do moving forward is continue to take preventative measures and protect the skin I'm in. I encourage all my followers, friends, family- everyone, to do the same and make annual skin check appointments to stay on top of any moles and marks that may be suspicious or evolve over time. As I said last week, it's better to be safe than sorry.