Today's post is inspired by a best friend who is in the early phases of dealing with a difficult breakup. Breaking up is never fun- there's never a good time for it or an ideal way for it to happen. Everything about breaking up is plainly a mind-fuck for all parties involved. This is especially true when your heart is rooted deeply in love and caught up in the history you share with that person. Or, when your heart is caught up in your vision of the future with that person. My friend's analysis of her breakup is something along the lines of "I sabotaged it due to my own unhappiness." One thing I have learned to be true, as cliche as it may sound, is that you will never be happy in a relationship if you are not happy with yourself. End. Of. Story.
When talking to my friend about her breakup and the selfishness behind it all, I told her that I, too had been selfish once upon a time in my own way. I explained that when I was going through my soul-searching process, I shut myself off from the world- you could call it deliberate isolation. I wasn't a good friend to anyone who needed me to be, including her, as her now ex-boyfriend was deployed overseas during that time. I couldn't take on anyone else's struggles. I could only deal with my own. I was selfish because I had to be- I had to learn how to be my own best friend because without that, my foundation would have looked more like an ever-growing sinkhole. What do I mean by foundation? Simply put, unconditional self-love is at the heart or foundation of all successes, joys, and in-relationship love you will ever have in your life. The unconditional part is the most important part of that sentence and I'll tell you why. We often say, "I love you unconditionally," when in fact unconditional love doesn't have any expectation, jealousy, resentment, or fear tied to it. I can't speak for everyone, but I speak for myself when I say I'm guilty of using the U-word tied to expectations and fears specifically. Of course I'm guilty of this- because no one (myself included) can love unconditionally until they have learned to love themselves. Think about it- if you're content with yourself, at peace being your own best friend, bursting at the seams with positive energy- how could being with another person (who's right for you, of course) change that and make you insecure? It doesn't happen when you're in touch with your soul-self, the "larger you," your spirit.
If any of you ever get the chance to meet Cher, let that bitch know there IS life after love and even better, there's love after love. You just have to give it to yourself. You are strong enough.
There you have it- The Sensitive Life lady at her finest: honest, passionate, raw, and unashamed...because I fucking love myself.
Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings by: Lynn Grabhorn
Madly In Love With Me by: Christine Arylo
Loving What Is by: Byron Katie